The two best things about Myrtle Beach were 1) fossilized shark teeth and 2) two-dimensional Paula Deen.
The transition from Wilmington to Myrtle Beach was rough. The former set the standard for coastal culture this trip; Wilmington was a clean, friendly city with lots of things to do, beautiful beaches nearby, and history seeping out the cracks. Importantly, I don’t remember seeing one billboard. As I drove through North Myrtle Beach, however, the towering signs of one million restaurants assaulted my eyes from every direction. Advertisements for a legion of tourist traps screamed into my pupils that YOU WILL HAVE FUN HERE THE MOST FUN OF YOUR LIFE SERIOUSLY THOUGH WE WANT YOUR MONEY.
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s advertisements. I turn off the radio the second someone tries to sell me something. I avoid television at all costs lest I spend my life as a thrall of Wal-Mart, Geico, Apple, or the innumerable other companies attempting to hijack my brain to make me do what they want. I am especially offended by large, physical advertisements that offer no means of escape. Such advertisements–like that billboard for Steamy Joe’s Adult DVD Shack or that ten-story sign for McNargle’s homicidal burgers–demolish everything aesthetically good and wholesome about a place. In my mind, class is inversely proportional to number and size of advertisements, a principle that applies to cityscapes and iPhone apps alike.
This low-brow, touristy facade–which some see fondly as “the beach town experience”–tainted my perception of Myrtle Beach area in the beginning. Unfortunately, rainy weather kept us from the beach for most of the first full day; we decided to check out Broadway at the Beach until the skies cleared, but that place failed to change my mind.
The two most interesting things inside Broadway at the Beach were Melissa and the fish: Melissa because she’s generally entertaining, and the fish because they were trained. Those fish love human food, which isn’t surprising, since people walking along the boardwalks are always feeding them like a bunch of aquatic pigeons. When they spot a human hand hovering over the water, they do their best to swim into the air, writhing over one another, gulping with their big, goofy mouths, hoping against hope that they will be the one among dozens to catch the crumb. Most of them fail, but they all try.
Later that day, I began to warm to Myrtle Beach. Eventually, we decided that dismal weather is less dismal on a beach than at a souped-up boardwalk, so we headed to the shore to look for shark teeth. Shark teeth always make me feel better, even when I’m looking for them in the rain. When I find one, it feels like I’ve come across a gift that old King Neptune has been waiting 10 million years to give to me. And Myrtle Beach had bunches of those exquisite ebony triangles lying around. For me, a beach is valuable to the extent that I can experience its natural beauty, and in that respect, the Myrtle area does well.
In the end, I enjoyed my time at Myrtle Beach and left with some beautiful souvenirs, but I think other coastal cities better suit my interests.
Oh, WOW, I am jealous! Those are some incredible shark teeth!!
I would have had to stay there to collect more (:
Seeing those made my day!!